again...

i have made a decision today after much thought and a sleepless night; to not get wasted so much that physically i know not what i do. it is well documented that when i do get wasted i turn quite violent and emotional. a side of me which i myself do not fancy much. feelings get hurt in the process. i know this much from last night of drinking that i angered someone i really care for and i can't even remember what i did. this is really killing me. for now i am thinking the only real solution is to let go. i am sure this person will be much happier without me in her life at this moment. as i have said before i am not one who is good to mesh with drama therefore avoiding it seems the best possible answer. if it means she will live her life in a happier manner than when i was in it, so be it. as long as she is happy. i think having me around would just further complicate things and nobody needs that now. i shall not use the excuse that the alcohol was the source of my actions because really deep down inside, i know i had a role to play in it. alcohol just enhances your ability to take the actions that you wanted to perform when sobriety does not. in time i hope i get forgiven but i just do not see how. will be heading to KL soon and shall be straying there longer now without returning to penang as frequent anymore. assignments and work should catch up soon to keep me busy. this should keep my mind off things and not returning to penang as frequent should do that person much good. i am sure now that this will be the right thing to do. i am dissapointed in my actions, myself and worst of all i know i have dissapointed her.

on an even gloomier note. zach broke his hand after a whacky night of futsal. never fun. hope he recovers well. hey man anything just give me a call, i know how to manouver my way around a cast. it gets really itchy so be sure to stock up on those "satay sticks". this is talking from personal experience.

last night was with kok meng and ryan. it is nice to hang out just the three of us again. been a while. recently we have always been around a large group. we were drinking left over whiskey and vodka from parties gone by. we started talking about a lot of things. it was a very enlightening night. we also had a good winning eleven session. i of course was the ultimate champion for that night. oh wait i did lose the last game to kok meng on a silver goal but that does not count. i had countless amount of chances which for some reason just did not want to be converted. anyway chatting with those two monkeys made my day after a long and dreadful one. much love to you guys.

"So go on love
Leave while there's still hope for escape
Got to take what you can these days
There's so much ahead
So much regret"
- jimmy eat world